How to support your partner after birth.

12^th Aug 2022

5 mins read

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So, your SO has just delivered your baby. Here’s how to support them (and score some major brownie points).

1. Don’t hate me for this first tip, however I’M A FIRM BELIEVER that the one who is NOT doing the night feeds should be the one to get up in the morning with the baby.
If she’s the one handling the graveyard-shift wakeups (midnight, 2am, 4am – you get the drift) then you should be the one to take the baby after the 6 or 7am morning feed and let her sleep an extra 30 minutes. Yes, I know – you probably have a super busy workday ahead, but there’s no reason you can’t make a new tradition of making breakfast while wearing the baby in a carrier, sling or drag the bouncer chair into the kitchen. You can even set up the bouncer chair (a Godsend btw!) in the bathroom whilst you shower (make sure baby is secured in properly) and leave the shower curtain slightly open. It’s a super small thing that will build up goodwill with your partner for when you can’t make it home at 6pm on the dot, and the extra zzs, plus your willingness to help and parent as much as you can, despite your other ‘real-life’ responsibilities. Help preserve your baby mama’s sanity as she faces yet another day of parenting. Just make the mornings as your special one-on-one quality bonding time with your kid. Hint: babies are usually in a better mood in the morning than during the evening, post-work witching hours of course. 

2. There’s no rule as to why the parent who gave birth is also the one doing all the washing, sterilizing of bottles, pump part, nipple shields, pacifiers etc.
LEARN about storing breastmilk (or formula) and sterilizing. It’s super easy once you get the hang of it, I promise. You should be just as much as an expert at it as your partner is. Take initiative and take ownership of this task. Have a mental account of how many clean bottles are on the counter, in the cupboard and make sure you wash and clean them nightly so you don’t run out. Same goes for diapers by the way (Hint: HKTVMALL is your friend). 

3. If she’s breastfeeding, get involved, but not TOO involved.
This is a touchy one (so tread with caution) BUT you can watch breastfeeding and latching ‘how-to’ videos on YouTube, educate yourself too. You’re both newbies at this (so is your newborn by the way). No woman wants to be mansplained about breastfeeding but I’ll quietly admit that sometimes my partner was more observant than I was, could notice the baby’s position and was able to make helpful adjustments. He also wasn’t as hormonal or tired as I was. He’d seen the midwife re-positioning us at the hospital and helped me remember and recreate tips we’d received at Matilda International Hospital during the first few days. Before your partners’ due date, it may be a good idea to program some lactation consultants numbers into your phone or get in touch with us at The Modern PY for connections to our verified experts. Having these contacts on hand, just in case can be an absolute lifesaver. Even if supply and breastfeeding come easily, it’s an ever-evolving relationship. Something that may have been painless in week one or two could suddenly hit a few road bumps in week for – you never know! 

4. Every time she sits down to feed or nurse the baby, check to see if she wants anything.
Even mamas who cherish and love breastfeeding can feel isolated in that rocking chair whilst the baby nurses for the eleventh time that day and then, inevitably of course, falls asleep on her. Does she need her phone charger, phone, a fresh cup of tea, water, a snack? Is the TV remote annoying just out of reach at the other end of the sofa? Move it closer to her. This may seem like a small thing to you, but it’s EVERYTHING!

5. Check in with them often when you’re at work. 
Being alone with a baby all day can be crazy-in-the-making, even when things are going really, really well. She’ll be craving an adult conversation, or someone to talk to who cares just as much as she does about how this little human’s poop looked this morning. Text and call, it takes a few minutes, when you get home allow her to debrief you about her day. If she happens to be too frazzled or cranky to chat, take the baby off her (without any questions asked) and send her out for a walk, a long bath or a lay down. 

6. Surprise her.
With flowers from the corner store, sushi, sashimi she hasn’t had for ten months, a bottle of her favourite wine, a big bar of chocolate, trashy magazine from 7/11 or a super fancy coffee-artisanal brew instead of the usual Nespresso home brew. It doesn’t have to be an expensive push present. Teeny tiny yet frequent gestures of love and consideration are key here. 

7. Make her food. 
Offer to make the super easy DIY food packages from The Modern Pui Yuet, nourish her. Create snacks that can be easily eaten with one hand. Stock up on snacky (but healthy) treats that are filling, delicious and easy to eat on the go. She’s feeding the baby, you’re responsible for feeding her. This brings me to the dinner topic, some take several months to learn how to multitask, how to adjust to the new sleep situation and to figure out how to time grocery store outings with naps, feeds and diaper explosions. While maternity leave days can seem unstructured, the window to leave the house can be ridiculously  narrow. Even the most basic to-do lists are at the mercy of your baby’s ever changing moods and needs. If you want to be super awesome, spend your evenings and weekends batch cooking our recipes. If you can’t cook, ask eager-to-help family members (or helpers) to help! 

8. She has a lot on her mind, go easy on her.
it’s not always “baby brain”, it’s that she’s keeping track of a lot of details that aren’t preoccupying the rest of the household in a super sleep deprived mind. When will my milk come in? Why is my supply so low? What if it never comes in? How many hours has it been since the baby was last fed? Was it the right boob or the left? Is it okay if the baby didn’t feed from both? OMG! Will my boobs end up being lopsided? Has the baby been awake for too long? Was the last nap long enough to “count” as a nap? Did I remember to sterilize the pump parts? Why is the baby nursing more now than she did yesterday? Should I be worried about my supply? (QUICK! Google how to boost low milk supply.) When is the next paediatrician appointment, when are the next vaccinations due? Does the MTR station near the doctor’s office have an elevator for the stroller, or do I need to take bub in a carrier? THIS IS JUST A SNAPSHOT! TRUST ME! While she may not be vocalizing all of these seemingly minute – but super important thoughts and questions, she’s attempting to manage it all and it's EXHAUSTING.

9. Become the baby whisperer.
Yes, easier said than done. Yes, your partner, if she’s nursing, has the secret weapon – her lactating boobies! And yes, she’s spent the last ten months developing a bond with your newborn. Don’t immediately hand your crying bub off to her, resolve to being confident. You need to excuse a calm n’cool “I got this” attitude. It’s reassuring to both her and the baby. Whenever our daughter was crying, I could always offer a boob as a potential solution. My partner, obviously did not have that golden card. So he had to get creative. He came up with a bunch of silly faces, techniques and songs for soothing and distracting. I’m not nursing anymore so relying on my boobs to solve everything is no longer an option, in saying that the sense of humor my partner utilized in the first few months as a dad has grown into an impressive ability to deflect and redirect epic tantrums, which is useful to this day.